Of Raccoons, Rubber Chickens, and Inflammation of the Exasperation Bone

~And then, with one final expelling of breath, her head exploded into a fine white dust, and the cat sauntered over and proceeded to lap it up like powdered sugar~

Well, not really. But my Fourth Grade teacher always said that to hook a reader into a story you needed to have an outrageous Title, and an equally gripping first line. So there you go. You're welcome.

*WARNING! This post does not contain any of what was just said above. except for the head bursting maybe.*

So After a week and a half of not staying in bed to sleep off a vicious flu, although in retrospect I should have, as it might not have lasted a week and a half if I did, I decided today I was well enough to try the gym again. Well, for more than one reason. Remember how I said I got three months free? well, at the time I had also decided to sign up for a couple of years thinking that if I eventually had to pay for it, that would keep up my motivation for going, as I'm quite a stingy person, and like to get as much out of what I pay for as I can. Well, upon checking my bank the other day, I noticed that the account I use for expenses was 40 dollars overdrawn. Well, it was originally 85 bucks overdrawn, but since there was no money to go through, the payment was retracted and the NSF fees put in. So I called up the gym in a panic, why the hell were they charging me this? And since the girl who had signed me up was unavailable, the half wit at the desk tried politely explaining to me what the payment was for, as if I didn't know. A registration fee, a monthly fee, and a babysitting fee. Even after I tried telling her that since I had the first three months free my sign-ee had waived the registration fees, and, oh yeah, I HaVE THE FIRST THREE MONTHS FREEEEEEE.   She didn't grasp it. So I called back later in the day, when dim-wit stated she'd be in, and when I finally got her on the phone she noted everything down, and said the next time I came in I should come to the front desk and they'll give me a refund on the NSF fees. So I came in today with multiple purposes. Not to mention I get the best showers there, because I don't have a distressed hubby and baby just outside the door asking when I'll be done. Another motivating factor. When I first came in, however, the desk was pretty busy, so I decided to wait until after my 'workout' and relaxing shower. So I came back after I was done, and when I told the front desk about it, lady lack-wit tending me said, 'but there's no payment come through on your file, you have three months free..." *Head smack* When she finally grasped what I was telling her, she said she had to get someone else who knew what she was doing, and That girl had to call head office to bring up the file so she could properly get the paper work straight. I'm not sure what my sign-ee did to prepare the front desk for me, but apparently it wasn't much, if anything at all. So while girl #2 was on the phone, I went to get baby from the gym sitter's as they were closing for lunch. My youngest has developed a healthy hatred for his car seat unless he's in a moving vehicle, so I had a cranky kid on my hands while girl two was on the phone. When she got off the phone, she told me that I needed to bring in a bank statement to verify what had happened in the account, since head office didn't have a record of giving me an NSF fee, that it might not have shown up on their records yet, but I could call the bank right now and have them fax a statement to them. By this time youngest was putting up a big stink and since the front desk is in the open area with the gym, plenty of people were looking to see who was choking the baby, and I was steadily getting redder in the face at the whole situation, and at seeing the sorry look on the poor girl who basically told me my wait was for nothing, I cracked a little and stomped out the door, barreling into a construction worker who tried to hold a door open for me when I would have none of their courtesy, and slightly banging the outside door, though in more of a 'whoops didn't realize it was that easy to open while holding a gym bag and a car seat', rather than in a show of anger. Of course Scream-y McGee shut up and passed out as soon as the car was on and I had backed out of the parking lot, and then I started to feel guilty, not about the situation as a whole, but about little things. I wanted to apologize to the construction worker who had so politely opened a door and was snubbed; I wanted to apologize to the door.  Frustration does not become me. So I went home and smoked three cigs in a row, and wrote this to get it out of my head, and now here I am. Not sure if I want to show myself in that gym for a while, but seeing as how I also don't want a stupid charge that somehow doesn't exist on one end on my end as well, I guess I'll have to go back. sheesh.

Kitchens, revisited

As I find myself with a sudden abundance of time, I'm feeling the need to be productive. So, I'm going to finally post about my kitchen. I know, exciting. woo hoo. ... Well, It Is To ME!!!!!

Okay. So, the contractor was set to have three days for each side of the house(duplex), and the other side had Monday through wednesday. Well, they ended up having some major plumbing problems, and the cabinetry didn't even arrive 'til tuesday afternoon, so they ended up coming over to use our water on Monday evening, Since Contractor Guy was smart and thought to rip both the kitchen cabinets, sink, AND the Bathroom Vanity out all at once. Noting that little piece of smarts, you can imagine my trepidation for when he arrived to do our side.

Also, since there were so many issues with the other side, they ended up taking one of our days to finish up, so when he let us know that he would be coming in bright and early Friday morning, and would stay until the job was finished, possibly working through Sunday, or the holiday Monday, I was a little p.o'ed. Plus, on Monday evening when the next door neighbours came to use our taps, they mentioned that he was alone on the job. Hanging Cabinets? bugger all. Hubby was all, 'Let him know I can help him with whatever, as long as he's out by Sunday game time.' Really. Throughout the whole process I had to keep reminding hubby that he couldn't help, because then we'd be held liable, and I really didn't want to have to pay to fix/replace at least the one cabinet I was imagining he'd break in the process of his 'helping'.Not to mention, Hubby-Helping? He didn't even help me unload the kitchen contents to move them downstairs, he just 'pondered aloud' where the coffee cups had run off to. Duh, dummy, if You had helped, then you would know where they were. *sigh* boys....

Then, on Tuesday when the delivery guys  showed up with the cabinets, they brought all of them for both sides, and since we have limited space in the house, we basically had no kitchen.

PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS!!! itty-bitty living space...

you can't even tell how pretty the cabinets are because the dumb movers put them all backwards...

But, when All was Said and Done, The lone Contractor took only Two days to finish our side (no problem plumbing-yay!!!), and He even made sure we had a sink on the first night! So with out Further ado, and bitching besides, here is the picture proof.

Still waiting on a new fridge and stove, but don't everything else look just purty?

Annoying people for the good of the world. again.

Since I've become a stay-at-home mom, I've taken to doing online surveys just to clear the boredom, keep updated, and, of course, to make a little side-cash. And I do mean a little. But lately, I've come across a schwack of surveys dealing with Non- profit organizations and Foundations. Things like the Breast Cancer Foundation, World Wildlife foundation, Heart and Stroke Foundation, etc...
Now, I applaud people who want to raise money for a good cause, even if for no other reason than a tax-break. (You just got sneaked into helping! haha!!!) But, lately, I've wondered just how much of this hard-earned/donated dough actually does any helping. I've looked around on the percentages of what goes to whom, but seem unable to find much info, although lots of opinions have surfaced. I've seen plenty of articles on companies in partnership to these foundations, saying they'll donate a certain percentage of their sales on whatever product they're hawking, and why don't you give them your info to be entered into a contest for  a great VACAY!!!, and this just reminds me of when I used to work for a 'distribution' company that sold very expensive vacuums on door-to-door sales. I managed the Phone and sales room, and I remember the waterfall of offers to be had with our prizes. You book an appointment to have someone pressure you into buying a 'system', just for the appointment you get a Ginsu knife set, but if you bought the said 'system', you got a voucher for a free stay in anywhere up to __ # of places, but when you called to book the vacation, they needed to have you sit down for a time-share demo, and that turned into a draw for a watch, and a phone call for another demo, etc, etc. A downward spiral of 'Oh fuck why did I give my phone # out -EVER?' But I digress. Anyways,  You give your info to some company that you just bought a product from, and they in turn bug the hell out of you whenever they have something new to show you. Kinda like a little kid-'Look what I can do!'. Plus, now they have your info to give whatever charity they were hawking for, so They give you a call and incessantly bug you for donations, telling you to 'do your part', blah, blah, blah. Well, I don't know what part I'm doing, if I don't know where my money's going... blind faith is not something an atheist like myself will give into at any time. I am not a sheep for herding. If I want to help somebody, I will give the money straight to them, or to the hospital, or whatever. But not to some big Head that's going to turn it into some healthy someone who just makes the logos pretty, or the coffee runner's wages. The best idea folks? If you know someone in need of help, help them. simple. Aren't people worth more than your tax break? I dunno. whatever.
This rant is just that, a rant, and since I can't really clarify it anymore, I can't even put paragraph breaks in it, you'll just have to read it as is. That is all.

A trip to the candy store-- for ladies

So, I went to the women's world trade show all by myself, with my youngest.

I tried to invite everyone, but no one wanted to come, or had other things to do. Like work and weddings. *sigh* And My hubby and oldest begged out on coming, since they had just finished their last game of the Flag Football tournament, which will come up in another post, but they were too tired to join me, and plus, the rider's game was on, so they begged out.

So, I went by myself. And you know what? I had fun! lots of it! They had so many different stalls with delicious nummies, and boobalicious wearables, lots of Financial and Insurance stalls trying to boost their visitation numbers by having draws for fun vacations, or money. Lots of draws to put my name in in general.

Servers wandering around the pavilions with trays full of mini bottles of booze, severely over-priced, but poured out into these cute little champagne glasses that made you feel like the Shit, so it was okay to spend 6-8 bucks on it.  The main Food pavilion serving nothing but Exotic Salads, (since it must have been just calorie-conscious women they were serving, right?) but I skipped that and went straight for the organic nachos and chicory Coffee, and finished off with homemade pumpkin fudge. Jealous with a capital J, aren't you?

And there was a stage set up at one end of the place, where various ol' lady Thai chi groups, and beginner belly dancing groups were performing every half hour, and one really cute 11 year old boy doing some repetitive fitness routine taught by an  older sister, all the while a big shiny, embarrassed blush on his face. It was adorable.

And I bought whatever the 60 bucks I had with me could buy. Pink Oven mitts with lace frills studded with crystally-looking things, and on it written was "Trophy Wife".  A lovely blue hand-made belly dancing waist wrap, the kind with tons of coins sewn in strategically to make the most noise?, to annoy my hubby and make me happy.  A baby sleeper in the Roughriders colours, with built in shoulder pads so it looks like my baby's a footballer whenever he wears it. A Rider toque for eldest son, and Hubby's birthday Present, which I had to get more cash from the ATM for, but I'm sure is worth it.

And stationed throughout the show was reclining chairs hidden back a little for the breast-feeding mamas, and comfy leather sofas with a big screen in front playing the football game, and a whole barrage of boys, young and old, stationed on the comfy couches, oblivious to their surroundings.

And the whole time I was there, I didn't have to do anything else but what I wanted, I wasn't dragged off to see something I could care less about, or shelling out enough dough to feed the family for a week, on crap and candies. And I didn't feel compelled to want to gossip, as some girls are prone to do, a nice change. And I left when I was ready. And my son was happy and content the entire time.

Twas a treat, and I'm now looking for more things to do just by myself.



p.s. I sound like a kid in a candy/pet store with all the 'ands'.. 'and there was a bunny and he had really soft ears and there were fishys and snails and i saw a puppy........etc

Someone call Billy the Exterminator!!

So we were looking for the perfect costume for a 4 month old, since my husband insisted that baby be dressed up, even though I told him of eldest's misadventure. He wanted a baby pumpkin. Nah, I said, that's been done.
He wanted a frog, bug, bat, elephant. Nah, that's been done. Everythings been done, he said. What about finding a costume based on one of his pet names? ok..... little man, stinkbutt, stinkerdoo, stinky mcStinkerson...
(yeah, we're real creative...)
hence I give you:

skunky. the stinker. *sigh*. almost crawling now. kinda scary....eldest's turn tomorrow

Turkey day's A-Comin!

Every Year, since my oldest was in diapers, I've done a wandering Thanksgiving.

And yes, I live in Canada, so we do thanksgiving now, not right next to Christmas. That would be too much turkey all at once.
Anyways.
So Wandering Thanksgiving. I basically call everyone I know up, and let them know that I will have a huge meal waiting at my house, and that if they have no where else to go, or if they don't want to go where else, they can join me. Sometimes I don't get a big turn out, in fact once I had two people, and we each came away with about a weeks worth of food. Once I ran out, which was nice, and we ended up having to bake up a couple of frozen pizzas.
I also used to do this for Christmas, since at the time I was too poor to make it out to my folk's places, but since last year, the hubby and I kinda like it better just to hide in our hole until Santa Claus goes away.  but I like doing this.
Somewhere deep in the heart of me is a little old scandanavian grandma who just wants to stuff people until they explode, and besides, nothing rips the holiday spirit out like formal gathering. I prefer absolutely casual. As long as you wear pants.

So this year, I've got an extensive menu, as follows:
Turkey-18lbs
Ham-5lbs
Mashed Potato
Twice-baked Yams
Veggie Platter
Stuffed Mushrooms
Cream Cheese Roll-ups
Cranberry Sauce
Gravy
Green Bean Casserole
Pumpkin pie
Apple Pie

...so far.

And the head count as of last night? 6, including my family, but discluding my youngest, who can't eat yet...

hopefully a few more show up...

Extra curricular sports, and how I don't want to be like my mother

My son started Flag football this past weekend. What fun. The best part is that My hubby put his name down for volunteering at the Community association, and since he was the only one to actually volunteer, he's now the coach for my son's team. 

But- He thinks since I only put down my e-mail address on the form, that I want to take part in the coaching experience, so I have been enlisted as the informal secretary and resident e-mailer, since I signed up only my e-mail address.... yay! well, whatever, gives me something else to do besides clean my already despicable immaculate house... 

They play on Saturdays and Mondays. This past Saturday's game went extremely well, each team had two touchdowns, and lots of fun. This Monday, however, was a different story.

Firstly, hubby was sick. And he never gets sick, so you can imagine how big a baby he is when he does get sick. He comes home around 1pm, and lets me know that I need to find a coach for tonight, cuz when he goes outside into the cold-ish air, he 'feels like he's going to throw up and pass out' *insert big whiny baby voice here*. That's my big strong man.....

So I e-mail around, and wouldn't you know, every dad wants to coach, or at least their wives' think they do. So I header down to the playing field, which this time is ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN, which in a city of 300,000, isn't really that far, it only takes 20 minutes to get anywhere, but looking for a specific field in a specific park in a new area of town is still confusing no matter where you are. I did find the park after a bit though,(yay for me and my mad directional skills!) so I lug all the equipment, my junior Peyton Manning, and myself down to what I assume is the right pitch. Luckily, all the parents found the same field that I did, so big plus points for me~! However, somehow our rival team failed to produce themselves, and judging by the area and field, that's not really surprising, but it still gave me a little glow of pride to know that even though our team is a bunch of spoiled little east-siders, they still showed up for the game, and then, stayed for the inevitable practice that ensued, since the replacement coaches and I decided that they should do something so as not to feel that they wasted their time. (and the spoiled little east-siders I'm talking about are the parents, as the kids aren't yet aware that they are over-privileged.)

Best line of the day from the parents: 'You would NOT BELIEVE how hard I had to search to find a decent coffee place over here! Do they even know what a Starbucks is?'

Best line of the day from the pseudo coaches: 'Ummm... so how do you play this? my wife made me come...'

Best line of the day from the kids: 'Aww, where's real Coach? I want to show him my snot-swing-back-play' ( proceeds to drool a loogie to the ground, then as it touches icky-grass and mud, suck it back up in a swinging fashion as he throws the ball right into one of the pseudo coaches nards. I'm not even shitting you! It was uber gross Fantastic a horrible indecency to the coach who totally did the classic America's Funniest Home Videos' thing, grabbing himself, falling over, and wheezing 'ohh my balls'!  which apparently is still only funny to me...)

All in all, not a bad way to spend an evening, and my sad litte sicko at home got a smile out of how, even though they've only had one game, he still made a lasting impression on the kids, and a good one, which is rare. (hubby has a way of sticking his foot in his mouth whenever he decides to open it)

Now if you'll excuse me, my littlest just managed to spew INSIDE my shirt, and it is currently trickling into my armpit...