Hotdog Fingers?

Youngest is teething. yay. This wouldn't be a horrible thing, usually, but he seems to be teething both his bottom and one of his tops all at the same time. He doesn't sleep for more than an hour, he rubs his face on everything, (which either pokes him in the eye or he headbutts.) he bites EVERYTHING (My shoulders are going to have permanent bruising, and my shirts have shoulder holes) he's clingy, whiny, fever-ey, rash-ey, and all around bitchy. This has run for about a week and will continue to run until his body gives up on fighting these nefarious enameled stabby things, and when the bitches finally pop through.
We tried oragel, but he sorta started choking on his own spit, so we ditched that idea and used the rest of the tube on ourselves. that was kinda fun...
We tried icecubes in cheesecloth, but they melted to fast, and dribbled all over the carpet.
We tried just a cold washcloth, but he wouldn't touch it unless our fingers were inside it. Hubby had the ingenious thought that we could replace our fingers with a hotdog. I made him clean up the mess.
We tried teething toys, but he chewed on one so hard, or twisted it or something, that it cracked and I think the stale distilled water inside kinda put him off any other toy going in his mouth. Which is both a good and bad thing.

So now we just use our fingers, and will bank this in the 'things to embarress youngest with when he's older, and possibly blackmail to get money out of get him to contribute to our retirement fund.'
Also, luckily for us, he's now pulling himself up on everything, so everything goes in his mouth, and although I've been trained once before, hubby has yet to find out that baby-proofing  means 'put every fucking thing you own up higher than 4.21 feet, or else it's fucking garbage or a trip to the E.R.', though I'm sure he'll find out soon enough.

Anyways,
just a small update since I really seem to have shit the bed since the beginning of this year.
yeah

I put it EVERYWHERE! wait. what?

Kay, what is up with Children's Cartoon Writers? seriously. They either have the Disney Complex(see: dirty old men trying to put dirty notes or peni into the background of Disney movies for shits and giggles) or have way to much time on their hands, or even worse, they aren't even aware of what they're doing...

Turned on the  T.V. today to come upon Dora the Explorer's Boots singing about blue balls. really.
I tried to find a vid for it, but all I got were parodies, or parents trying to video it as it plays on t.v.(which doesn't work. really) or people with even more ickies and time on their hands. So here is the closest thing to sane I found to purvey what I came across.




yeah...

This is the first day it seems best NOT to have candles on my cake.

As I type this, my youngest is currently typing on his keyboard, not quite copying my movements so much as beating the crap out of the keyboard. Also, he's now learned(from me) that if he says 'UM NOMNOM' in his loudest voice, he will eventually get some type of food. Conditional training. Although whether I'm training him, or whether it's the other way around is uncertain. But nevertheless, learning is being done in this house.


My birthday is today, so I won't type much, but it's early enough that no one else is up yet, so no harm, no foul. I got a wireless keyboard and mouse from eldest, who just couldn't wait any longer, so I got it last night. The A sticks so that any word I've typed with an a in it has had to be corrected, and I can no longer reaach the enter key with my pinky, but they got it so I could hook up the computer to the T.v. and watch movies, especially when they aare both out of the house, and youngest is asleep.

I'm a quarter of a Century old today, and I've been bombarded with requests to go out and party, but since I'm still feeding youngest, it's probably the best excuse not a great idea, and I'm too lazy to pre-make aa days worth of food for my little piglet, so I'm staying home, at least after I get my new tat with my bestest home girlie.

So, bon-voyge, and a verry merry un-birthday to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm. the 1 button sticks too.

Not endorsing it, but it did work..... against my will...

Since I started going to the gym, I have seen definite improvements in areas. Such as my two sets of butt cheeks have grown into each other to yet again become one set. My thighs no longer make a loud cricket noise when I walk. You can barely tell there's any noise at all. And when I do the Arm Dance? The motion no longer continues when I stop flapping.  But let me put the numbers up to you anyway. With the Gym? No pounds lost yet, as all my fats and their little fat children are being converted to muscles, and apparently muscle weighs slightly more than fat. or the same. I dunno. Having the Stomach Flu this past weekend, that left me in more pain than a day at the gym has ever done, ever? 12 pounds. yup, 12 pounds of whatever I was eating, would eat, and did eat was forcibly shed from me. Funny.

Whoever Thought up Daylight Savings time, needs to be Bitch Slapped

Fuck you World.
Indeed.
How is it that all the new fucking alarm clocks all have this DST thing built into them, and they don't have a setting for those of us in the world that don't participate in it?
Bugger all.

Anyways.
So Hubby is gone for Three weeks, to LLoydminster to relieve some co-workers and get into the good points bin with the bosses. He's also been sick all weekend, with a bad stomach flu virus, and after grumping and groaning all of Saturday, he thought the worst had passed on Sunday, you know that fleeting feeling that all is right with the world and you are SUperman... By lunch on Sunday, he was back in bed, after graciously harfing hotdogs all over me. It's a good thing I already hate hotdogs, or this would've put me off... Then, This Morning, all of our alarm clocks failed to go off,since they thought it was an hour earlier, which wasn't a big deal since we were up at 5 am anyway, but since our time doesn't change, and also that Lloydminster sits on the borderline, they DO fall an hour behind, so Hubby had some time to kill before heading off today. So he I finished his packing, and he laid on the couch and shivered, and did his inner turmoil dance on how he Should go, but didn't want to cuz he felt like crap on a bun, blah, blah, blah. And then he went. And I am free to keep a clean house for almost a MONTH!!!!!!
Of course, he'll be home on the weekends, so I'll have things to do on Monday, but still. Plus, money! so, yay!

I want pancakes.  So I going to make them. with bananas. yum. And then possibly take a nap, because as I was reading this post back to myself I realized that it doesn't make sense, but I can't possibly make it any better right now, so sleep will be necessary to fix the glitch in my brain that seems to be happening.

It's Sunday, Right? Kay...

As a tribute to Sundays, and the laziness that ensues, at least with the other members of my family, Here is a lazy post. Done entirely in Youtube!


I would've like to see this with the Police, since I can never understand what they're saying, but it's just as well. Plus, poo.





Take that Historians! For all you know, you don't know shit!





yes. I see. shun you say?





Did anyone else know that Kermit is Multilingual?






And Finally, Not having to do with Music at all, or poo, Here ya go.

My First Wordless Wednesday

So I've decided to try out a weekly ritual entry on my blog, called Wordless wednesdays, where you don't write anything, just post pictures or videos. I've seen all sorts of blogs over the years take part in this ritual, so it must be a timeless thing, not just a fad. so yay for me!, also I think I just fucked up my first try at this thing by explaining myself, and therefore, writing something. way to be, me... way to be...

5 things I love

I love when my baby wakes up first thing in the morning. He's so calm and happy, and dare I say, flirty. He knows now what it takes to get what he wants, so he'll cling to your neck, grunt little grunts, and give you that 'I know something you don't know' smile, and if you return it, he breaks into a full toothless grin. Then he usually poops, but the before of that is really cute.

I love being outside on a crisp fall morning, with a cup of coffee in my hand and a cigarette in the other, and a book sometimes, if I'm in the mood. Otherwise I like to notice the world. The glistening fall leaves as they get shifted around the street, the spiderwebs trailing my front yard,  the sunrise over the houses across the street, quiet.

I love when my husband comes out of the blue and suggests a mini getaway for me, like how on Saturday he said we should do take-out so I didn't have to cook the day before thanksgiving, and he said I should go down to the restaurant and order so I could sit at the bar and have a drink whilst waiting for the food. A Godsend...

I love when Sobey's discounts their gourmet cupcakes, because then I satisfy my craving with something cheap, and that usually also fills in the question of should I be eating 4 cupcakes weighing in at 450 calories apiece all at once. mmmmmmm, cupcakes....

I love when my hubby 'accidentally' wakes up too early on weekend mornings, and he turns on the music from our computer, and we all dance and sing our way to breakfast.

There. Now how about you?

In True holiday Fashion, I intended to sleep in, even if that meant waking up with baby for a little while very early, and then going back to sleep at first chance. Not so. We were both up at the insanely early hour of 4:38 am, and have since been awake. And to make our early morning better baby decided to strike up a conversation, but since he hasn't learned about volume yet, I'm pretty sure he woke up the whole house. The only difference there is that they can choose to stay in bed.
So I decided I would get this cute action on film, both so I could post it, and guilt hubby about staying in bed by showing him all the cuteness that was missed.  But as soon as I turned the camera on, my son started making this weird-retarded looking face,

 and I know he was doing it on purpose, because after I shut the camera off, he resumed his gibbering. And he did it three more times. Finally, on the fifth try I got about a minute of stuff. Although I think he was getting tired of his game, because it sounded like he was just yelling at me.

Anyways, it is sufficiently late enough in the morning to start dinking the coffee I made an hour ago, and then I'm off to chop some celery. I did most of my prep-work yesterday, and though my fridge is now full of orginized packages and plastic bags of pre-chopped veggies, if you just open the fridge door and don't examine the contents to closely, it looks like I have a chopped up person in there. fun.

Turkey day's A-Comin!

Every Year, since my oldest was in diapers, I've done a wandering Thanksgiving.

And yes, I live in Canada, so we do thanksgiving now, not right next to Christmas. That would be too much turkey all at once.
Anyways.
So Wandering Thanksgiving. I basically call everyone I know up, and let them know that I will have a huge meal waiting at my house, and that if they have no where else to go, or if they don't want to go where else, they can join me. Sometimes I don't get a big turn out, in fact once I had two people, and we each came away with about a weeks worth of food. Once I ran out, which was nice, and we ended up having to bake up a couple of frozen pizzas.
I also used to do this for Christmas, since at the time I was too poor to make it out to my folk's places, but since last year, the hubby and I kinda like it better just to hide in our hole until Santa Claus goes away.  but I like doing this.
Somewhere deep in the heart of me is a little old scandanavian grandma who just wants to stuff people until they explode, and besides, nothing rips the holiday spirit out like formal gathering. I prefer absolutely casual. As long as you wear pants.

So this year, I've got an extensive menu, as follows:
Turkey-18lbs
Ham-5lbs
Mashed Potato
Twice-baked Yams
Veggie Platter
Stuffed Mushrooms
Cream Cheese Roll-ups
Cranberry Sauce
Gravy
Green Bean Casserole
Pumpkin pie
Apple Pie

...so far.

And the head count as of last night? 6, including my family, but discluding my youngest, who can't eat yet...

hopefully a few more show up...

Boy Can Baby Sing!

My youngest has pretty much figured out that he can control his noises.
Example:

Now, we just have to wait for him to figure out that square object does Not fit in round hole...

And let me tell you, if he had stopped moving when I took this, you would've seen nothing but wrist...

My 6 year old doesn't understand me. also I think I might need some more Coffee

So My 6 year old walked into his baby brothers room this morning while I was changing a diaper and cooing at my littlest,(because it's only if I coo that he doesn't pee on me) to talk to me.
Kiddo: Do you wanna know where I got these cool scars? (shows scars)
Me (in baby voice, while keeping an eye on littlest's wiener to make sure he's not just waiting until I drop my guard): yessss, where did you get those scars? those 3? yeah 3 scars? whaaaat happened?
Kiddo: Well I was playing with Freddie (his pet rat, yep, R.A.T.) and he scratched me.
Me(still in baby voice, still keeping note of the wiener): Why did he scratch you? Did you forget to feed him? and then he was like,'I'm gonna gitcha boy' and then he put on his little rat-boxing gloves and was like pow-whacka-whacka Pow! Only his gloves had little claws on the end of them so he could still scratch you and then you'd be all 'why Freddie, why' and he'd be all 'Cuz you never pay attention to me anymore' and you'd be all ' well I feed you every day and that takes like an hour and a half cuz you have to store every single damn piece of granola in a different part of my bedroom, and then the same thing with the carrots, and then you get to the yogurt last and then it's warm and then you don't eat most of it, so the next time I come into my room I step on half-eaten yogurt and then I have to change my socks and frankly, after all that is done I NEED a little time a way from you so stop gettin all up in my biznez RAT.' and then Freddie's like, ' You don't understand me! I need to burrow things away, because I grew up in the great recession of 2009 and there wasn't much food to go around, so you made the most of what you had, and I just can't go back to that, not ever!' and then you're all,' it's okay freddie, I can get you help, they have this show called Hoarders:buried alive on TLC, and I'll send them an e-mail and see if I can't get a professional to come in and help so I don't have to evict you from my room' and then you call the TLC people and they're like, 'it's gotten so bad you have rats in your room? Whoa dude.' and you're like 'no, it's for my rat. my pet rat.' and they're like,' uhhh.... we don't do rodents, just people' and you're like,' you know I think thats pretty discriminatory of you, I'd like to speak to your boss. what's your name again?' and then they hang up on you.
Kiddo: ..... he just scratched me. that's all. you're weird.

Starbucks should totally make this a flavour

I went to make a pot of coffee this morning, but I didn't realize that there weren't enough coffee grounds to do a full pot, and I had already poured a full pot of water into the coffee maker. well shit. So then I asked myself what the most effective tool in my kitchen for removing a quarter of the water from my coffee maker would be.......and Ta-da!!!
A Turkey baster will do the trick in a jiff.
Only now my coffee has a slightly meaty taste to it. oh well. Caffeine is Caffeine.