Wordless Wednesdays #5, X-mas Songs, re-did

In light of me having a pretty slow life, and still writing bout the Zeitgeist of the world, during X-mas no less, Here are a few of Cultures most Favoritest songies.



cuz everyone loves pop songs about latkes!






you know, he has a point.an extremely annoying crap-rap point, but still...



Just cuz I can. Every blog needs more bum.

*sigh* Boys. surrounded by boys...

So, My Eldest went to our Local History Museum, The Western Development Museum, on a field trip with his class to learn about how school worked in the 'olden days'. They learned how the boys and girls had different doors they went in and out of, how punishments worked, and how houses were made and how long it took to make them. They Learned about hard work, and the long days they endured. And what my son got out of this?
Direct Quote.
" There was this outhouse! it was just a hole in the ground! and they didn't even have toilet paper! They just had to shake their bums to get the poo off or something. I wouldn't like living there, because it would get too smelly with poo on everyone."

Fantastic.

It's Sunday, Right? Kay...

As a tribute to Sundays, and the laziness that ensues, at least with the other members of my family, Here is a lazy post. Done entirely in Youtube!


I would've like to see this with the Police, since I can never understand what they're saying, but it's just as well. Plus, poo.





Take that Historians! For all you know, you don't know shit!





yes. I see. shun you say?





Did anyone else know that Kermit is Multilingual?






And Finally, Not having to do with Music at all, or poo, Here ya go.

The Homebound mother

HaHa!!!
My homebound life is paying off!!
Remember when I went to that Ladies Convention, and signed my name up to a whole bunch of shit? Well, I got a call from a beauty products line saying I've won  a free pass to another Ladies night, Called Wine, Women, Spa, and Chocolate. The night is basically open bar with trays full of mini-foodstuffs, silent auction, product sampling, and a CHOCOLATE INDULGENCE BUFFET!!!!! *drool*

And THEN, I got a  call from A fitness center here, saying I won 3 months free at their gym, complete with free babysitting by qualified people even! Bonus!

And even though I still feel like someone's trying to take a rancid turdle on me, I'm soooo going to the gym today, and my free ass is going to try not to snot on all the machines, for free. 
Oh,yeah....

Bored, so here!

So bored. Nothing to do, it's kinda icky outside, snowy, slippery, and cold, like -15 degrees cold, (I know, I'm a chicken-shite) so baby and me are staying inside where I have control of the heat. Toasty. I've also been sick the past week, so I have no intentions of leaving this house anytime soon, which limits the things we can do.

Speaking of poo,
Baby has started eating Real People Food, apples, naners and the like, and if you've had kids before, you know what I'm talking about, but if you are child-free, let me tell you that poo from babies that have just started People food, are nasty. Doesn't happen as often as before, but it's like he's packing enough stench to more than make up for it. It's like changing a little Person. No longer do I get to look forward to the poo that looks like it came from a baby-be-mine dolly, but a real turd worthy of Daddy's gags. Nasty stuff, that.
Anyways...

And Now for something Completely Different:



Angry Raspberries!

Random thingers. Again

It snowed last night. and continues to snow this morning. I'm hoping we don't get the alarming 5 inches slated for the north part of the province, but I wouldn't be surprised. Snow is abundant in the winter here. As is cold weather. My friend used to tease me that My good ol' Norse ancestors moved to Saskatchewan specifically for the cold, so it would feel like home to them. Also, that I was pasty and couldn't tan for shit because I had come from Saskatchewan. She was probably right on both parts. Saskatchewan is the one of very few places in the World that can range anywhere from -60 degrees Celsius(with wind chill) and Snow drifts waist high in winter, to +45 in the summer with miles and miles of Sun. Because Saskabusch is Flat, and the wind bends the trees, so there's no cover. Which is partly true, but every myth has to have some semblance of truth in it.

On a sort of related note, When it comes to first snow and all that jazz, I am totally a sucker for my memories. The smell of fresh-baked cookies, wet coats and mittens, fireplace fire, etc, but the one that really stands out is the smell of Hot toddy.
Being one of the Trendiest people of my time, I am always the first one to get sick when winter arrives, and I  remember one specific elementary school year when I was 7 or 8, and both my sister and I caught the flu at the same time. I always remember my dad staying home with us when we were sick, giving us hot lemon water and such, but this one time he wanted to nip the colds we had in the bud, so he tried Grandma's Recipe for curing the ill. A Hot toddy. Now, A Hot toddy is basically a hot lemon-honey tea, but with the added benefit of rum or whiskey. I believe we had the whiskey version. So he made up a batch for both me and my sister, reminiscing to us about how his Grandma used to use this as a cure-all, or something. I don't remember that well people, I was sick!!.
Anyways, I don't remember which one of us started puking first, but one of us caught the other, and it started a chain of puking that lasted quite some time(although to my ill-induced mind, I could be exaggerating- I see it as a cartoon version much like the WB cartoon with the two pigs see-sawing a handcar, but with puke).

yeah, but with the guys harfing when they go down. pretty picture, I know..

Anyway, I'm sure we totally grossed out my dad, but in the end it did us little to no harm, and my dad learned a very important lesson. And as my husband makes this after he eventually catches my colds, I cringe a little inside. To this day I cannot drink whiskey in any form, unless I try really, really, Really hard. *shudder*

And now for something Completely different-

My eldest son is obsessed with poop. Or at least the word poop. He's 6, so I'm not really surprised when he starts singing 'Mary had a little poop', or 'This old man, he had poop', but also with his extreme science knowledge,as he can now berate my husband about their head-farting contests,(charming, I know) letting him in on just how one gets pink-eye and the like. *sigh* My house is a never ending battlefield with new horrors every day. I would have my youngest stay small forever, so I don't have to endure three half-grown males all at once.

Jumpin' Jiminy!!!

We got a jolly Jumper for the youngest, since he wants to do nothing but stand, and he's a heavy bugger, so to save our arms, we got him one.

The first thing we did before buying it though, was to look up on the loverly internets what we would be getting ourselves into. And lo and behold, the Horror stories that have been tucked in the static-y folds of the internets... no sooner had we typed in, 'Is a Jolly Jumper Safe for my 4 month old?', than we were barraged with vengeful, worried, and misinformed mothers spewing forth tragic things that had happened to youngsters, or cautionary tales of what happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's kid. heads getting caught in the chain, the thing collapsing on the child, bowlegs and whiplash,tippy-toe walking and loss of balance in the stabilizer muscles, horribly bent and deformed spines as a product of bouncing like a maniac, etc. One woman stated that the jumper permanently damages the thoracic curve of the spine, showing her sources, and when we clicked on it, it came up as a Dr. Sears website(Don't know who that is, but assuming it's the Dr. Oz of the internets), and the website basically stated there was no proven risk of spine damage on the jumper, as long as a time limit was enforced. And common sense tells us that jumping is a stabilizing exercise, so this toy is pretty much Not a toy, but a baby exercise machine. After all, do adults and kids not have trampolines? Bungee cords? same dif. There was also one really good answer to the question on yahoo answers, basically saying, it's your kid, do what you think is right. Get your info from the source, that way you know it's true.  So we went to the source, and the Jolly Jumper website has multitudes of links on safety, it states all the safety measures you can take, and gives thorough instructions on how to put baby in a jolly jumper. they've also been making this product for about 60 years, so they must know what thy're doing by now. So we got him one. And as soon as we had attached him to the spring cord, he went NUTS.  Then he proceeded to crap himself so spectacularly, while jumping, that the force exerted by his spring caused his poo to jump itself. All the way up to his neck.  So after a thorough bathing, he went back in, and we took this.

p.s. whilst looking for a picture of the jolly jumper, I came across a picture of the only man I ever crushed on in daytime children's TV. Other moms might have their favorite Wiggle or some dirty fetish with one of those rainbow-coloured Doodlebops, but I was always, and will remain, a Huge fan of - Sportacus- *sigh*.

He had  arms you could eat, and a-maz-ing flexibility... drool. Even his name sounded like something out of a cheesy romance novel. For a while I wanted to be stephanie. *more dramatic sigh* Confused?    Here.        See for yourself. That is all.

All Hail the Patron Saint of all things Sick, Sleepy, and Slightly Irritated...

 Tonight  I was the Saviour of my dog. My big 80 lb, Black Lab-cross-Pit bull-cross-Mutt, happy and dimwitted dog.

He must have either ate something that disagreed with him,( ie. the cog's poo) or caught some kind of bug, or, god forbid, he has worms...

I went out with him about 20+ times  tonight, so he could do his very loose business all over my backyard. I swear, that dog could give my youngest a run for his money. Get it? Run? haha......

I hope he's okay, both of us were up pretty late tonight, way past the time of my youngest's first nap of the evening, which means no proper 3 hour reprieve and REM cycle for me...

I changed his water, gave him a fresh blanket to sleep on, opened the door to the basement, (so, if he happens to need to loose himself in my house after I pass out he can at least go on cement that's easily cleanable. I love my dog, he's so well trained.) checked his temperature,(which believe me, if you don't have a baby ear thermometer, is not a comfortable experience for either pet or owner, and can be quite messy if that's the hole the dog is sick out of...) checked his gums for funky colours, and put my ear against his chest to listen to his heart, (I'll be fucked if I can tell the difference on a dog, so I don't know what good that did, other than to make me feel like I was being productive) and so far, other than pacing in front of the door to go out every 10 minutes, and of course the constant shitting, he seems perfectly healthy. Even been eating, and just now I heard him drinking, although that could be the cog, he's fucking loud and clumsy..

Hope for the best I suppose. Hope He doesn't need a vet...

And by the way, I'm not misspelling dog or cat when I say 'cog'. My Kitty was basically raised by my dog, which means he's clumsy as hell, a loud eater, begs for table scraps, sleeps with the dog, does his business in the backyard, goes for walks with us, (even to the park, the crazy bugger) and shares the dog's various mannerisms.

Hence, Cog.

Fuck I'm tired.... Okay Goodnight.

What? one more time? ...alright, but then after this it's the basement for you, dude...

Mr. Burns's Revenge of the Poo..

my two month old has it out for me.

I don't know why, but I seem to be the only receiver of the "oh no, Cover it, Cover It! awww...." poops. I swear, he does it on purpose.

So I'm changing the diaper, thinking that the coast is clear, when he gives a massive grunt and a smile and this crazed almost religious glow comes into his eyes, and somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach you swear you can hear a deep and ominous voice crying VENGEANCE!!! and whoosh! boy can that kid project. and you know if it's comin from the back end, the front will surely follow. So this kid lays there all happy with his shit-eating grin on his face (sometimes literally) and pee all over himself, and poo all over mommy and the trail from him to me shining like the path to salvation...

I swear I've done this before. I've been a parent once already! Don't I know what I'm doing? I don't know if I was just more aware when my first one was in diapers, or if my kid really does have a price on my head. He probably consorts with his dad on the next move to crush my sanity and self-esteem.

Once, after a vigorous sneeze from him mid-change, and a shower and redress from me later (poo was everywhere.) I passed diapering and holding duties off to dad so I could escape from his clutches to grab something from the grocery store. While waiting in line to purchase my nessecities, I noticed a smell not unlike poo-cheese... I thought maybe myself or someone around me had bad breath, but I couldn't very well ask everyone to close their mouths while I weeded out the cause of the smell. It was only when I stepped up to the register and the cashier there pointed and then gave me a kleenex, did I realize that  in the midst of changing over from the poo laden clothes into cleaner ones, that somehow I must have dragged part of my stylish-yet-affordable t-shirt through the gobby mess in the laundry basket.

So My bright Blue T-shirt ( I don't know why I even think I can get away with colour. Black, girl, Black is the new whatever's going to get shit on..) had this Bright Greeny-Yellow mess leading from mid-back to upper rib-cage. And it was fresh. I can't get away from it. Back at home my son is probably losing his breath from newly formed maniacal laughter, while my poor naive husband is getting out the camera to capture baby's first laugh.

'Aww, cute', husband will say.

And in what I can only describe in my vivid imagination to be the voice of Mr. Burns, Baby's first word will be, 'Excellent'.