Monday, November 29, 2010

Disconnected thought stuffs, and longing for a sundae

I would put these into some kind of story for you, but they're all mostly too random to connect, so here ya go.


-On this next Saturday, I will be 25. One Quarter of a Century. That is all.
My hubby and eldest went shopping on the past weekend for birthday gifts. After an hour of being gone, they called to ask me what I wanted, them both being too self-absorbed to notice my not-so-subtle hints,( 'gee I'd really like an mp3 player for when I go to the gym', 'We should get a proper speatzle maker, maybe for X-mas?') So I repeated the hints, a mite disappointed to have the surprise ruined, the only thing I actually like about birthdays. When they got home, they both pestered me about opening my gifts straight-away, both lacking the patience. I have so far successfully declined, although when I went in my son's room today to get his laundry hamper, his gift was right out in the open. I will pretend to not have noticed, although my disappointment has ceased, since it was none of the things I had told them on the phone.

-My youngest has had a running fever for the past two days, nothing but the fever. Right before the tylenol kicks in  he is somewhat delirious, and the effect makes him very giggly and cuddly at the same time. He laughed at the cat coming into the room for ten minutes. He grasped faces and gave big sloppy kisses on my cheek(something he has just learned) then he puked down my shirt and laughed for another ten minutes. Helped along by daddy, of course. 

-My hubby's schedule has been changed, due to the fact that he is soo badass at his job, they're keeping him in town until after New year's so he can help train others of the relief persuasion. This means that the food bills go up, but my general stress level goes down. 

-Leslie Nielson died this weekend from Pneumonia, or complications thereof. I know a lot of people who will miss him, as he either directly influenced, or was copied by, a lot of the comedic actors I know. He was 84, so I hope he did at least most of what he wanted to do in life. 

-I watch more than my fair share of t.v., since even at the gym they have it blaring in my face, and lately I've gotten obssessed with "Man VS. Food" Which is basically a show about some guy who loves to eat so much he looks constantly on the brink of heart attack, but he visits some of the coolest restaurants in the states, so I can see why. 

The challenge he's doing is called the kitchen sink, which is 2 gallons of ice cream and toppings in a sink. yup. I couldn't find the video I wanted with the perfect sundae, but this one's just as, well, interesting. He does a lotr of challenges, and most of them make me never want to be hungry again, but I always come away craving chicken wings, or a fat and sexy sandwich, or pancakes.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Of Raccoons, Rubber Chickens, and Inflammation of the Exasperation Bone

~And then, with one final expelling of breath, her head exploded into a fine white dust, and the cat sauntered over and proceeded to lap it up like powdered sugar~

Well, not really. But my Fourth Grade teacher always said that to hook a reader into a story you needed to have an outrageous Title, and an equally gripping first line. So there you go. You're welcome.

*WARNING! This post does not contain any of what was just said above. except for the head bursting maybe.*

So After a week and a half of not staying in bed to sleep off a vicious flu, although in retrospect I should have, as it might not have lasted a week and a half if I did, I decided today I was well enough to try the gym again. Well, for more than one reason. Remember how I said I got three months free? well, at the time I had also decided to sign up for a couple of years thinking that if I eventually had to pay for it, that would keep up my motivation for going, as I'm quite a stingy person, and like to get as much out of what I pay for as I can. Well, upon checking my bank the other day, I noticed that the account I use for expenses was 40 dollars overdrawn. Well, it was originally 85 bucks overdrawn, but since there was no money to go through, the payment was retracted and the NSF fees put in. So I called up the gym in a panic, why the hell were they charging me this? And since the girl who had signed me up was unavailable, the half wit at the desk tried politely explaining to me what the payment was for, as if I didn't know. A registration fee, a monthly fee, and a babysitting fee. Even after I tried telling her that since I had the first three months free my sign-ee had waived the registration fees, and, oh yeah, I HaVE THE FIRST THREE MONTHS FREEEEEEE.   She didn't grasp it. So I called back later in the day, when dim-wit stated she'd be in, and when I finally got her on the phone she noted everything down, and said the next time I came in I should come to the front desk and they'll give me a refund on the NSF fees. So I came in today with multiple purposes. Not to mention I get the best showers there, because I don't have a distressed hubby and baby just outside the door asking when I'll be done. Another motivating factor. When I first came in, however, the desk was pretty busy, so I decided to wait until after my 'workout' and relaxing shower. So I came back after I was done, and when I told the front desk about it, lady lack-wit tending me said, 'but there's no payment come through on your file, you have three months free..." *Head smack* When she finally grasped what I was telling her, she said she had to get someone else who knew what she was doing, and That girl had to call head office to bring up the file so she could properly get the paper work straight. I'm not sure what my sign-ee did to prepare the front desk for me, but apparently it wasn't much, if anything at all. So while girl #2 was on the phone, I went to get baby from the gym sitter's as they were closing for lunch. My youngest has developed a healthy hatred for his car seat unless he's in a moving vehicle, so I had a cranky kid on my hands while girl two was on the phone. When she got off the phone, she told me that I needed to bring in a bank statement to verify what had happened in the account, since head office didn't have a record of giving me an NSF fee, that it might not have shown up on their records yet, but I could call the bank right now and have them fax a statement to them. By this time youngest was putting up a big stink and since the front desk is in the open area with the gym, plenty of people were looking to see who was choking the baby, and I was steadily getting redder in the face at the whole situation, and at seeing the sorry look on the poor girl who basically told me my wait was for nothing, I cracked a little and stomped out the door, barreling into a construction worker who tried to hold a door open for me when I would have none of their courtesy, and slightly banging the outside door, though in more of a 'whoops didn't realize it was that easy to open while holding a gym bag and a car seat', rather than in a show of anger. Of course Scream-y McGee shut up and passed out as soon as the car was on and I had backed out of the parking lot, and then I started to feel guilty, not about the situation as a whole, but about little things. I wanted to apologize to the construction worker who had so politely opened a door and was snubbed; I wanted to apologize to the door.  Frustration does not become me. So I went home and smoked three cigs in a row, and wrote this to get it out of my head, and now here I am. Not sure if I want to show myself in that gym for a while, but seeing as how I also don't want a stupid charge that somehow doesn't exist on one end on my end as well, I guess I'll have to go back. sheesh.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Look Ma! I's a picture artistical! *Wordless wednesdays #5

The Finding of the Feet

Really ma? New sheets?

Gangsta Baby

The Conversationalist

My two


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Not endorsing it, but it did work..... against my will...

Since I started going to the gym, I have seen definite improvements in areas. Such as my two sets of butt cheeks have grown into each other to yet again become one set. My thighs no longer make a loud cricket noise when I walk. You can barely tell there's any noise at all. And when I do the Arm Dance? The motion no longer continues when I stop flapping.  But let me put the numbers up to you anyway. With the Gym? No pounds lost yet, as all my fats and their little fat children are being converted to muscles, and apparently muscle weighs slightly more than fat. or the same. I dunno. Having the Stomach Flu this past weekend, that left me in more pain than a day at the gym has ever done, ever? 12 pounds. yup, 12 pounds of whatever I was eating, would eat, and did eat was forcibly shed from me. Funny.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Gym'n it!

So On Monday, I went to the gym. I know, A little late to be talking about it, but whatever. I went to the women's section, cuz on Mondays the regular section is Filled with big Muscular Boys, and girls with tiny waists, and the ability to run marathons, and frankly it's like being an In-valid on Gattaca, and so I go to the women's section with all the other old biddies, which is actually more depressing, because then I follow around 70 year old grandmas who could ALL kick my ass.
Anyways, I went on my aunt's favorite machine, the Road that goes Nowhere, or the Deathmill to Hell. I went on for a staggering 30 minutes, on a rising incline throughout, slowly turning a lovely shade of Pomegranate. Twice the employee who watches over the women's section to make sure none of us old biddies keel over, came by to ask how I was doing. If I was anywhere near capable of speech at the time, I would have told her that turning funny colours is sort of a family past-time when it comes to exercising, My aunt turning a pretty Poinsettia, my day almost a rusty beet. But I was trying to concentrate on panting evenly, so I just nodded and smiled while looking ahead, half-afraid that if I turned to look at her, my body would follow my head, as I was no longer able to move my body parts separately, and that could be Catastrophic to me. I'm clumsy enough as it is.

My deathmill faced a window at least, so I could imagine I was running on real ground, impervious to the biting cold, rain, and uber-slippery sidewalk. Of course, since I was staring at the crappy day instead of the mirrors on my backside, I didn't notice the little booger that was peeking out at every exhale like a ghostly jack-in-the-box waayyy too late for halloween. Thank goodness when the trainer came around the third time to see how my self-inflicted Cardiac Arrest was coming along, she got distracted by my peek-a-boo booger, and instead of telling my to get off before I fall off, she made nervous eyes at my nose, and made wiping motions. My intuitive self thought she looked about to sneeze, so I politely averted my eyes until she passed me a kleenex. I decided that it was about time to do something else, so I wandered around until I noticed the backwards ab machine that looks like this:

See the ones where his bum is in the air? That's what I decided to do. One set of 10. by the fifth time up I had to fart something fierce, and I thought I could get away with it if I let it out slowly the next time up. But while I was upside down formulating my plan of action, I was oblivious to the fact that the trainer had let two contractor guys in to look at a ceiling crack directly above my bum.

Needless to say the workout was over pretty much instantly. Though, all in all, it was one of my better workouts....

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Wordless Wednesdays #4. Laugh Riot

The First real Giggling we've seen so far, and he only does it for daddy. But to make me feel better, hubby looks re-donkulous, and will probably take more than a bit of flak for this, so it's all good.

btw, this was the one I couldn't download directly because google doesn't like high-def video. Take THAT GOOGLE!!! Hah!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A really, really bad apology, that doesn't really apologize in any way...

I know. I haven't written in a while. Lemme explain.

On Wednesday I tried to post a video of my youngest and hubby giggling like little school girls, but apparently it had not been filmed in the right definition, and I'm not techie smart in any way, so I don't know if you can even change that, and it kinda made me really mad, and random thing throw-y, and I ended up smacking myself in the head with a surprisingly resilient eraser, so I gave up.

Hubby came home from his first of four weeks out in Lloydminster on Thursday. Hence House had to be spotless to show him that indeed I was right, he was the main cause of all the mess in the house.

Friday was hubby's birthday, and so we did hubby birthday things, which strangely always includes shopping, which he always says he hates, but seems to take great pleasure in on his birthday.

Saturday I'm sure I had some excuse, but I don't remember it, so just remember I had some excuse, and it was probably awesome, and would have made you forgive everything I ever did, like that time I accidentally dropped your fish down the toilet, but I couldn't get him out with out sticking my hand in the toilet, and that's just gross, so I flushed him so he could be with fishy friends back in the river. No one wants a lonely toilet fish. But I digress.

Sunday was the football game. Well, actually, it was several football games, all day long, with some hockey thrown in just to be funny, but somewhere in the mash of sport viewing was the game that was actually meant to be watched.

And then yesterday, I got a really good post together, and then forgot about it, so now you're probably not going to see it until Thursday, which is okay, because I plan to add to it.

So there. I explained. And I actually don't give two, or even three shits what you think anyways, so this was basically an exercise in futility.

And I just found out that my name means blowjob on Urban That's not Funny Urban dictionary!!
Can you sue a public forum website?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

*sigh* Boys. surrounded by boys...

So, My Eldest went to our Local History Museum, The Western Development Museum, on a field trip with his class to learn about how school worked in the 'olden days'. They learned how the boys and girls had different doors they went in and out of, how punishments worked, and how houses were made and how long it took to make them. They Learned about hard work, and the long days they endured. And what my son got out of this?
Direct Quote.
" There was this outhouse! it was just a hole in the ground! and they didn't even have toilet paper! They just had to shake their bums to get the poo off or something. I wouldn't like living there, because it would get too smelly with poo on everyone."


Monday, November 8, 2010

Whoever Thought up Daylight Savings time, needs to be Bitch Slapped

Fuck you World.
How is it that all the new fucking alarm clocks all have this DST thing built into them, and they don't have a setting for those of us in the world that don't participate in it?
Bugger all.

So Hubby is gone for Three weeks, to LLoydminster to relieve some co-workers and get into the good points bin with the bosses. He's also been sick all weekend, with a bad stomach flu virus, and after grumping and groaning all of Saturday, he thought the worst had passed on Sunday, you know that fleeting feeling that all is right with the world and you are SUperman... By lunch on Sunday, he was back in bed, after graciously harfing hotdogs all over me. It's a good thing I already hate hotdogs, or this would've put me off... Then, This Morning, all of our alarm clocks failed to go off,since they thought it was an hour earlier, which wasn't a big deal since we were up at 5 am anyway, but since our time doesn't change, and also that Lloydminster sits on the borderline, they DO fall an hour behind, so Hubby had some time to kill before heading off today. So he I finished his packing, and he laid on the couch and shivered, and did his inner turmoil dance on how he Should go, but didn't want to cuz he felt like crap on a bun, blah, blah, blah. And then he went. And I am free to keep a clean house for almost a MONTH!!!!!!
Of course, he'll be home on the weekends, so I'll have things to do on Monday, but still. Plus, money! so, yay!

I want pancakes.  So I going to make them. with bananas. yum. And then possibly take a nap, because as I was reading this post back to myself I realized that it doesn't make sense, but I can't possibly make it any better right now, so sleep will be necessary to fix the glitch in my brain that seems to be happening.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

It's Sunday, Right? Kay...

As a tribute to Sundays, and the laziness that ensues, at least with the other members of my family, Here is a lazy post. Done entirely in Youtube!

I would've like to see this with the Police, since I can never understand what they're saying, but it's just as well. Plus, poo.

Take that Historians! For all you know, you don't know shit!

yes. I see. shun you say?

Did anyone else know that Kermit is Multilingual?

And Finally, Not having to do with Music at all, or poo, Here ya go.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

I reeally, really, suck.... Flag Football 2010

And continuing on with the Suckiness which is my procrastination, Here are the videos from Eldest's and Hubby's Last Flag Football Game. If I was more coordinated, and knew what I was doing, these would've been pieced together into one, but as i am a technology noob in every sense of the word, they are not. Not sure how much more work I saved in the long run though...

Running Catches before the game.

In the opening huddle.

Eldest throwing the ball to the Quarterback, No clue what the position is. (Marvel at my magnificent Camera-work)
It's always a battle to see who gets the flag.
Coach doing what he do best. Eldest as Quarterback.

Kay, I would have more of the actual Game, but at this point the  other team had tackled our guys three times(which is punishable by severe penalty or benching. it's flag football people) two of which resulted in bloody noses and one with a nasty knee bruise for our kids, and after the second one hubby-Coach let other Coach know that his kids needed to stop tackling or they would stop the game. The other Coach laughed in his face and kept encouraging his kids to tackle. Hubby-Coach called half-time right after the third hit, and once again warned the Coach that the Kid sport crew and the Community association  would definitely hear about his behaviour. The other coach called the game, saying that if they couldn't hit, it wasn't football. Hubby-Coach then asked for a handshake from the teams, out of good manners, and then gave his team a congratulatory, and easily over-heard speech on how good  they were for obeying the rules, and didn't hurt anyone, even though they might have wanted to.

Clean up time, since game was over. If you look really hard, you can see other team doing their own game by themselves, complete withe kids tackling still.(also you can tell which kid is mine, since he stops everything just to pose for the camera.)
The Parents of our kids were mighty impressed by the way things were handled by our team, and in fact encouraged hubby to come back next year to Coach. The kids did too.
Here is the result

 And there, in a nutshell and really long post, is the last game of Flag Football.
And then we went to walmart. But that's not really part of the story...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Wow, I suck at this... Halloween 2010

So, I'm really bad at keeping up with myself apparently.
Without further ado and such, here is Halloween.


Wideshot, KAPOWW!!!!

 Youngest absolutely fucking enthralled by Iron Man.

Also, Slightly frightened. Eldest ended up having to take off the mask.

Suddenly, Skunks!

Skunks who need to bounce!

And then, Iron Mommy. Iron Maiden? meh. Since the mask was a little snug, My Giant Face pushed it out at weird angles and made me look like Iron Down-Syndrome. Drunk-style. oh yeah....

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Can you smell that? it's fear...

Once again, I am appalled by the school system. I wonder if my parents ever had this much trouble with my school.  sheeesh...

So yesterday My eldest brings home a note from the principals, stating that the school had practised a 'General Lockdown". Here. I'm going to type it verbatim, because I feel it's necessary, so the message can be heard.

" On Wednesday, November 03, 2010, Bappity-bap School practiced a "General Lockdown" of the school.
A general lockdown means all students remain in their classroom with the door locked and the lights turned out. Students move out of sight of windows and doors. 
The general lockdown was practiced so that staff and students are prepared in the event we have to institute a lockdown procedure. The City Police were involved in this practice and gave students and staff meaningful advice on to how to conduct ourselves and make our practices better. 
We are very proud of our students who listened closely to our directions. 
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to call.
New principal (who's about to get ousted by PTA.)"


This is terrifying. Sad. There is a whole schwack of emotions still roiling down right now. I'm not sure when our school system decided that instilling fear in elementary students was the best plan for safety, and right now in my head is a picture of kindergarten students playing hide-n-go-seek, because that was the only way the teacher could get everyone's attention.  I especially like the part where they DON'T TELL US WHY THEY'RE DOING IT!!!! No reason whatsoever. What event would constitute a lockdown procedure? what? WHAT DO YOU KNOW TEACHERS????? fuck me. I don't ever remember having to do shit like this. ever.

This whole 'exercise' reminds me of the bomb raids of old , where they taught school children, not to mention everyone else, to hide under their desks with their hands over their ears. You know, I used to volunteer at an elderly home, and there was one gent there that couldn't even have an alarm clock within 3 rooms of his, the p.a. system had to be unhooked in his room, you couldn't even blow a whistle. Perpetually afraid of the Bomb sirens. He probably died afraid.

My point being is how dare they instill fear in my child in a place of learning? In one of the only places he's excited to go to right now, that he feels most trusting in?  And shouldn't it be my child's choice on whether or not to be afraid? the letter cleverly masks what he should be afraid of.  Shouldn't it have been a choice as to whether or not he even participated? And why were the parents informed only after the fact? This wasn't even mentioned in the School Newsletter.

We're not backward rednecks here, and this is not an issue of Conspiracy Theory. This is  Canada, and we should not be afraid. Just let's look at it. Would anyone want to see their child doing this?

So yeah. You can bet I'm going to be asking a LOT of questions to this new Principal, and I'll go as high as I need to get answers.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The attack of the 50 foot PEANUT!!!!!

My son goes to what's called a 'nut-free' school. Not by my choice, it's just happens to be the public school in our area. I received a phone call message today from the principal, reminding all students, and parents of, that even though candy is still unfortunately permitted in the school, any candy containing nuts will be confiscated, and letter will go out to the parent of the child as a warning.
Well. I have a few bones that need picking with this whole "Shelter our kids from their allergies' thing.
In what way are we possibly protecting our children in a nut free school? In my opinion, everyone is just screwing these kids over. How about this- We teach them about their allergy, and how to use an epi-pen?
Cuz okay, you're catering to these kids in school, but what happens on Halloween? Or when they have a sleepover? Or when they go to a grocery store? or mall? if their allergy is so severe that they can't be breathed on with peanut butter mouth, or touch something that someone else who ate Nutella touched without becoming seriously ill, they need to be the ones prepared for it. We Can't cushion these children into believing everyone will bend to their whim, cuz they won't. And I don't see Wal-mart, or Safe-way advertising the fact that they'll be nut free anytime soon. So please people, stop punishing the rest of the world for this shite, and instead grow a little knowledge on the people forced to deal everyday with these allergies.
Now, don't get me wrong, I've a number of friends with nut allergies ranging from mild to severe, most who've tried total isolation from all things nut, or have tried exposure therapy, both with mixed results. My best friend in elementary school was so allergic to peanuts, that her mother wiped down every package that came from the grocery store, had anyone wash their hands if they were coming in the house, and since she was a nurse, had plenty of epinephrine in the fridge, since this was before epi-pens were cool. My friend would need it at least once a week, sometimes more, depending on what she was around. But My friend learned about how to help herself, refused when her mom suggested homeschooling, and played with us neighbourhood kids anyway, with her little fanny-pack filled with the tools for resuscitation if necessary. Plus she's now a nurse herself, who helps conduct an allergy clinic to teach kids what she knows.

I guess I'm just trying to say don't shelter your kids so much, or you'll end up screwing them over. And don't think that your kid is more important than everyone else's. again, they're not. Teaching our kids to think that they're special, yay what ever. But remember, that when everyone's special, special ceases to be.